Topics: self esteem

Looking at most toddlers, who confidently become the center of universe, is hard to believe that self-esteem could be in short supply. Imperious and dogmatic, they seem nothing but sure of themselves. Yet, although they may be sure of what they want, toddlers are actually quite unsure of who they are.

At this stage the seeds of self-worth  sown in infancy, that must be cultivated and encouraged to grow. Studies show that children who learn to believe early on, “I am a good person, a valuable person” are more likely to grow up believing in themselves, they have less need to impress others or to receive the approval from others to feel good about themselves; they can have rewarding relationships with others, can better handle peer pressure, and can reject drugs and other self-destructive behaviors. They have high self –esteem.

Though building self-esteem is something a toddler needs to do for himself, with parental help, support and patience, his construction phase will go more smoothly. To protect your sanity while you protect your toddler’s self-esteem, a sense of humor will definitely come in handy. As will these tips:

Love love love. Human beings can’t feel good about themselves unless they have known love, the no-strings-attached kind of love that says “I Love You No Matter What”

Give attention. No matter how confidence we are, we would begin to doubt our worth when someone special starts to ignore us. The toddler too, who needs regular attention in order to feel worthwhile. Talk to your child. Really listen when he talks. Pay heed to his needs and desires (even when you can’t fulfill them, they shouldn’t be ignored). Avoid constantly saying “I’m busy …”

Provide space. Hovering over your toddler, always dishing out advice or assistance before it’s requested can squelch self-motivation. It can accustom your toddler to always looking to you for answer of questions and solutions of problems, rather than being challenged to discover them on his own, which at the end will result to lose of self motivation, then continuing into lost of self satisfaction and confidence. Parents should know that building confidence is to let your toddler play by themselves occasionally, so that they discover that they can be independent, don’t always have to look for others for entertainment, and can be “good company” for themselves

Hold toddler in high esteem. Toddler’s self esteem, in the long run, depends on the esteem others show for him. Make your child feel like a valued member of the family. Show him respect by being there for him – don’t regularly put your social life before the needs of your child, though sometimes it is very difficult.

Hold yourself in high esteem. Be a model of self-respect for your toddler; avoid denigrating yourself, doubting your judgment, indulging in self-destructive behavior, because having parents who think well of themselves inspires toddlers to think well of themselves, too

Never compare. Your toddler is a unique individual. Making comparisons in behavior, development, habits, intellectual skill, or anything else, from your toddler to other kids, would never fair to any children, even it is negative comparisons – “Why can you taller like your brother” or “The boy next door could walk early, you are slow to walk”, or positive comparisons – “You are the most prettiest girl I’ve seen” or “The girls in your class are less smarter than you”. Parents who give positive comparisons every time and everyday will create an arrogance kids who will end up with having no friends. This kid would not understand why he was avoided by his friends, which continues into lack of self esteem.

Pay attention to language. Be careful not to use offensive names or labels, even it is for fun teasing way, such as “Hello my fatty boy”, such name calling can be taken seriously by the innocent toddler. Avoid the words like “You always ….” or “You never ….”, which can hardly be accurate, but saying it often enough will make your toddler believe it’s true. Never put a guilt on your toddler, like “You have such an expensive play school that we can go on vacation”

Expect no more any less. Toddlers, who were pushed too much to do accomplishments earlier, will begin to feel as a failure when he can not complete what he expects to do. On the other hand, toddlers who never been pushed or expected at all will never find to do his personal best. Balance your expectation to your toddler as his physical and intellectual grows and provide challenge that are realistically within reach. That would be much better to build his self esteem

Consistent with expectation. If one day you expect your toddler to sit down at the table to eat his snack and the next day you let him roam the living room with it, you can generate confusion, which is turn can lower self-esteem, because knowing what’s expected makes a child feel confident and secure.

Accept no matter what. As important as accepting your toddler’s personality, talents, and abilities are accepting his feelings in bad or good emotions. Teaching a toddler to express these emotions in socially acceptable ways, rather than criticizing, it is better to comfort them with feelings.

Self decisions. It’s not realistic to offer your toddler a choice on everything; but it is realistic and advisable to give your toddler choices when feasible. Not only is early practice in decision making essential preparation for life in the real world, but it’s essential now for your toddler’s self esteem.

It is alright to make mistakes. Making decisions sometimes means making mistakes, and making mistakes is part of the learning process in becoming a better decision-maker. If you take away the opportunity for your toddler to make mistakes, you take away his opportunity to learn from them. On and on, from his ability to understand his mistakes, your toddler will make right decision more and more, which definitely could gain his self esteem.

Criticize constructively. Criticism should be used to teach, not wound, to build self-esteem up, not tear it down.

Criticize the behavior not the child. Toddlers need to feel that parental love won’t be diminished or withdrawn if they misbehave. To make sure that the message comes across loud and clear, show disapproval of what your toddler’s done – “It’s not nice to throw toys” is much better rather than “You are naughty”.

Keep criticism under control. Having to correct behavior is unavoidable with a toddler. But constantly finding fault can undermine a child’s self esteem. A child who hears “You are naughty” over and over again may come to believe it and will see no gain in trying to “be good”

Show gift and empathy. Helping others helps both adults and children feel good about themselves. Give him applause when he did something good, give him empathy when he feel sad, and give him reward or gift when he is been very nice in a month or a week, even a kiss, hug, and hand clapping can be very special gifts for your toddler to gain self esteem

Nourish the body as well as the ego. Kids who are hungry, not having enough food or too much bad and wrong food, have a hard time of working or playing, will end up being easily frustrated which can damage their self-esteem. Too much tantrums can also bad for his self-esteem.

Make the world easier Your home should be child-safe, but it also be toddler-friendly. Provide a stepstool to bring sink handles within reach, a towel bar at toddler level, etc. those can easily gain toddler self esteem, as they can do as much as the adult does.

Put toddler to work. By assigning your “little helper” chores around the house, you’ll make him feel useful, while also expressing confidence in his abilities. Once that confidence is established, though, don’t criticize his effort, even he is slow, clumsy, and more hindrance than actual help.

Learn to take it slow. Because they’re still new at many skills, toddlers can move at snail’s pace when it comes to getting their jobs done. Never push your toddler, in action or words, be patient and teach or support them to master their new skills. When they succeeded, it can gain their self esteem easily.